Archive for July, 2011

CD3 bloodwork

I went in this morning for CD3 bloodwork. Among the things they drew for, were FSH and estradiol levels. I should have the results Monday.

As of right now, we’re set for IVF to begin with the arrival of CD1!!

This month we’ll be on vacation in a motorhome, with friends, during my O week. So this is a break month. No CBEFM, sticks, temps etc. Just enjoying my time with my husband, before all the craziness starts 🙂


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I’m an idiot

No, seriously! I’m an idiot! And FF can bite me! They changed my O date 3 times this cycle. Every random temp I entered, yep, changed the O date. So on CD28 it decides to change my O date to CD13. Which would put me 15dpo. And like a fool, I trusted it! I allowed that stupid website and idiotic charting software to fill me with false hope. I allowed it!
What an idiot!
And I wasted $ on this stupid, ugly, BFN!


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My new toy

We got bikes! I’m pretty excited about this little thing! I think it’s super cute too!

We really love camping. The beginning of August, we’re going camping with some friends at The Grand Canyon. Neither of us have ever been there, which is pretty sad, considering we’re only a 6 hour drive from there. So we’re really looking forward to the trip.

But bikes are perfect for camping, and with this warm weather, we’ve been riding every night after it gets dark. So nice, peaceful, and fun!

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We need more money. It sucks so bad! I was hoping to begin treatment next week. That won’t be happening.

Infertility can bite me!

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Love seeing this!


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Not ready for this

In April, we took my dog to the vet because she was suddenly very lethargic, not eating, not even moving. Turned out she had a golf-ball size tumor on her spleen that had begun bleeding, and she was bleeding internally.

At the time, we didn’t know if the tumor was malignant or benign. We decided to proceed with surgery. They removed her spleen, they found no other tumors, and they told us, depending on the biopsy, the spleen removal may have been the cure. About a week later, the results came back-malignant. She has hemangiosarcoma. Do not google it. It’s awful! We were told she would be with us for about a year, at most.

Hemangiosarcoma is a very aggressive cancer, and it will eventually affect other organs on her body.

We decided since we knew we had limited time with her, we were living it up! We had pictures taken as a family with both dogs, she began giving her canned food everyday to treat her, spent loads more time with her and our other dog etc.

We expected to have 6-12 months.

I was shocked to come home last night-not even 3 months since her surgery-and find the same symptoms all over again. The vet had told us, when the symptoms come back, it means she’s bleeding internally again, and at the point, the recommendation is to put her down. In the midst of “preparing” myself for her final journey, and spending so much time with her, I had so much damn fun, I forgot to actually prepare. Not that I’m sure I ever could really prepare to say good bye to her.

At 1am we went to the emergency vet clinic. To be safe and make sure we’re not dealing with just a stomach bug, we had them check her blood. She is definitely losing blood, but not significant for how she’s acting. We left her overnight for monitoring, and they are repeating her blood work again around noon, to see if she’s lost more blood.

We decided not to operate again. We don’t think it’s fair to her to keep going through this. She’s been a great friend, an amazing companion, a protector, and the cutest furry baby I’ve ever had! If we find out she’s losing even more blood, we’ll say goodbye to her today.

Here’s some pics from our photo session.





edited to add-

We brought her home. The Dr says she is stable, not in any critical condition as of right now. They know she started bleeding internally, but can’t see where exactly it’s coming from. Her blood count today was a little better than last night, so he thinks it started bleeding, but began resolving on it’s own. So we know it’s going to happen again.

We have her home, keeping her comfortable, and she is just very tired and weak. She is sleeping right now. He said she may have good and bad days, but she isn’t in pain.

For now we are keeping her comfortable and seeing how things go.

We’re preparing for the inevitable. This is so so hard.

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Yes, please!

A friend and I were talking about wanting children. She was telling me that her aunt and uncle had waited almost 6 years before having children (not because of IF), and they said it was almost too long to wait. They had gotten into their own set routine as a couple, and it was much harder to introduce a baby after that much time.

We have been battling infertility for years now, but in the midst of that, we’ve grown into a comfortable life with just us. Although we’d love to grow our family and want children desperately, we’ve definitely gotten used to it being just us, and we do what we want when we want.

It really got me thinking if that disruption is something I want, the major disruption and change that comes with a child.

Over the holiday weekend we had my niece,who is 6, stay with us for 2 nights. It was very fun, yet hectic and busy at the same time. We were suddenly aware that we couldn’t just do what we wanted, or go hang out at a bar. We had a child in our possession for the night, and everything revolved around her.

I started really thinking if this is something I really want, or am I fighting so hard just so I can win!? Am I fighting for a child and a family, or am I fighting just so I can beat infertility?

I decided I really needed to evaluate things because we’re about to drop some major cash, and head into a potentially life changing treatment soon.

So I went quietly into my own world, to evaluate things. I was weighing pros and cons all weekend. I was finding comfort in sleeping in, staying up late, easily going shopping, reading when I wanted to, cleaning when I wanted too etc. Of course it’s comfortable, it’s the life I’ve had for years now.

So when I’m deep in thought and seriously evaluating my life and things I want, I pick up my friend’s baby. They are over while we BBQ for the 4th, and we’re all relaxing, talking, enjoying the company.

I pick up this adorable 10 month old baby, he smiles at me, wraps both hands and arms around me, and lays his head on my shoulder. He clings to me, like babies like to do, and leaves his slobbery little mouth and cheek against my shoulder. And I melted….

So the answer is

Yes, please! That’s what I want!

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