Archive for January, 2011

It’s not fair

I hate infertility. I hate IT and the way it makes me feel.

It’s not fair. At all!

It’s not fair that I am going through it, or that it leaves me scared that I’ll never be a mother, or that it has changed me into a bitter person.

It’s especially not fair that I have a hard time being happy for the women around me who get pregnant, while I get left behind. It’s not fair that I feel left behind. I shouldn’t feel left behind! I’m on my OWN path, no one else’s! So the length and terrain of my path is SUPPOSED to different, because it’s unique to me!

So why does infertility make me feel like this? I hate this feeling and all the waiting and especially all the unknown 😦

It’s not pretty how I feel but it’s the truth, and it’s real to me.


Read Full Post »

Making some changes

I have been re-evaluating things. I need to be healthier. I have been doing pretty good with eating. My downfall is alcohol. Lately I’ve been drinking wine/beer almost daily. I really need to limit that. I know it can be affecting my fertility, and weight loss goals as well.

I’m not sure exactly what I want to change but I think I need to make a concrete plan. Like wine only 3 times a week?

I’m heading back to the gym today, which is usually a big motivator for me. I hate to spend an hour at the gym and then waste it on 2 beers. So hopefully that’ll work.

I’m back to drinking my Green Monsters for breakfast. You can find recipes here w

Here’s to making a long-lasting change!

Read Full Post »

One of my SAIF friends had her baby boy today.  His name is Mason.  He was born at 10:36 am.  5 lbs, 14 oz.  19.5 ” long.  He’s beautiful!  And he’s a miracle baby!  He suffers from Congenital Heart Defect.

So far things are going ok.  He’s breathing on his own, but they plan to do surgery to repair his heart next week.

You can send all your good, positive thoughts and prayers to her via this blog-


They will be much appreciated, I assure you!

Read Full Post »

2010 Recap

Summary of my life in 2010.

January- Started a new job.  LOVE my new place!

February- Got my iPhone.  Fell in love!

March-Went to Las Vegas.  Had a great great time!  Came back with a surprise pregnancy!

April- Lost pregnancy(ectopic). 

               Did a 6 mile March of Dimes walk for our Angel Godson, Brandon.

May- Celebrated our 4th anniversary in San Diego. 

June- went to many many Dodger games.  Ate a bunch of Dodgers dogs and drank a ton of beer.

July– became a Godmother. 

             Went beach camping at San Clemente and Dana Point.

August– Had an IUI.  Got pregnant.

September-lost pregnancy.  Went to a beautiful wedding for my cousin.

October- Turned 29. 

                      Started attending Taco Tuesday with a group of GREAT girls!

November– Went to Disneyland with Eric for the first time together!

December– went to Kansas City, Missouri.  Went to St. Louis, Missouri.

                          Attended our niece’s wedding on New Year’s Eve!

January 2011 marks the 4th year since this journey began.  Where has the time gone?  Can’t believe we’re still traveling this road…

Read Full Post »

Happy 2011!

This year we did something a little extra special for New Year’s. We went to a wedding! Our niece got married on NYE. The wedding was beautiful and it was very awesome to be drunk/dancing/with tons of family during the countdown! Definitely memorable!

2010 definitely had some ups and downs.

One of my goals for 2011 is to blog more. Might as well start now 🙂

We have decided to save for IVF. With my crappy tube situation, we know IVF will give us the best chance.

I’ve been very bitter lately. I had a small epiphany recently. There is no guarantee that we will be parents. No one can see into the future and tell me what will happen. On the chance that I never get pregnant, and never become a mother, I NEED to be able to move on with my life. The bitterness I feel now will have to end at some point. So I’m trying to think in terms of that.

With that said, this blog will attempt to transform into a health/random thought/infertility/weight loss/marriage/life/travel blog.

May I focus on everything I DO have, rather than what I do not.

May I focus on the things I’m in control of, and try to accept the things I cannot control.

Happy New Year! Love you girls!

Read Full Post »