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Archive for June, 2009

my beautiful niece :(

My niece lost her pregnancy today at 22 weeks due to cervical incompetence.  She went to the ER and was admitted, and was found to be dilated at 9 cm.  If they tried to close her cervix, they would have broke her water, so they let the labor progess on its own.  Eric and I went to the hospital after work.  After an hour of us being there, they told her it was time to deliver.  The baby was doing fine.  No problems, everything was working great on his end.  She delivered her precious baby boy, Brandon Lewis weighing 1 lb, 10 oz tonight around 7 pm.  Because he was only 22 weeks, they do not do anything to try to resuscitate him.  They swaddled him up and let her and her boyfriend hold him.  We all came in shortly after and were able to hold him.  His heart beat for a few short moments.   Because he was a live birth, he was named and pronounced dead.  The priest came in a blessed him, which was very moving.  The nurse came in and took a picture of him, and took his tiny tiny hand and foot prints.  My niece was able to keep the clothes they wrapped him in.  Tonight was the worst night I have ever experienced.  Infertility is hard on its own, but this was just horrible.  To hold that tiny little boy just ripped my heart apart.  My heart is breaking for my niece.  She is devastated.

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It’s a happy day!

2 of my IF “friends” got great news today! I cried tears of joy for both of these fantastic ladies today. My girl, Kate, found out that not only is her pregnancy in her uterus, where its supposed to be, but there are 2 little sacs! Yay for twins! And a huge CONGRATULATIONS to Kate. I am so thrilled for you!
And second, is Kim, who after struggling for years with IF and enduring 2 in vitros, 2 frozen transfers, and 3 chemical pregnancies, is for sure, for real pregnant! Both these stories touched my heart so deeply!
Congratulations to Kate and Kim! I’m hoping to join the K streak soon 🙂
I just absolutely LOVE hearing success stories from infertility survivors!
So again, to Kim and Kate, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I had a dream 2 nights ago that Eric and I were at Disneyland. I was wearing my common thread, of course. Everywhere we went I kept seeing this girl who also had the common thread bracelet on. So being completely dorky, I kept trying to get her to notice that I was wearing one too, so I kept waving my right arm up, and then when we were in line, I would rest my hand on the bar. The funny thing is that I would totally do something like that in real life. So after running into this girl all day, and her never noticing my bracelet, I get a tap on my shoulder from behind. Its the girl, and she give me a huge hug and walk away. And that was it.
I was telling Eric about it and he had this huge theory. Number 1, I was at the happiest place on Earth, and number 2, he thinks “somebody” was telling me to say good-bye to Infertility. Its a good theory, and I hope he’s right. If I did say good-bye to Infertility, I would definitely be in the Happiest Place on Earth 🙂

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My Newest Addiction

It’s not really a new addiction, I’ve been addicted since last year.  But the 2nd season just started, and I’m so happy!!!

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Waiting to O

Here we go again, on the 3rd cycle of 6.  The RE thought we would get pregnant on our own, naturally, within 6 months.  So we are halfway through and after the 6, we will move onto IUI.  I’m iffy about us getting pregnant in 6 months.  I’m trying to be positive, but its rough.  I am hoping that we don’t make it that far, but we’ll see.  Please let this be the cycle already, this is really wearing on me.

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My heart is heavy

A very good friend of mine was over yesterday for the game and our favorite show, True Blood.  She asked about “the string on my wrist” 🙂

Surprisingly, well not really, it was really hard for me to talk about it.  I mean, I was seriously struggling and fighting the tears.  It was good though, and she was completely understanding.  I felt like the whole conversation was awkward and wierd so I sent her a text today, explaining that IF is hard on me emotionally, and I’m sorry if our conversation was wierd.  She responded with “it wasn’t wierd for me to talk about it.  I can’t imagine how heavy your heart must be.”  What a great description from a great friend.  She totally understood and was completely supportive.  My heart is heavy.

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