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Archive for May, 2009

RIP my Uncle Nile

My mom’s oldest brother, Nile, lost his battle with cancer this morning.  He fought for over 2 years, and I didn’t think I would honestly ever say good-bye to him.  I am sad that he suffered so long, but I know he is in a happier place with both his mother and father.  Uncle Nile, I love you, and you will be missed.

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Shredding Day 10

Its actually like day 13, but I missed a few days in there while we were gone, so I’m keeping it honest.  Its day 10, I have tried Level 2.  Hmmmm not sure if I’m ready for it yet, it kicked my booty.  I’m doing like level 1.5.  I mixed it up a little and tried the harder strength stuff and I’m doing harder ab stuff than level 1.  I am down 4 pounds, so I’m happy with that.  Tonight Eric and I are seeing a personal trainer again, so I’m excited about that!

Update on the previous weight loss goal-the goal was to lose 20 before my nephew’s bday on May3.  Well I lost 12.  Not too bad, but the new goal is probably a little more realistic.  It is 21 pounds by August 29th.  I have a bet with someone I work with, not really a bet, more of a motivational thing, but the goal is 20 pounds by August 29th.  I went a little higher with one extra pound.  The 30 day shred should definitely jump start that and we’re going to start going to the gym at least 3 times a week.  I’m pretty sure I’ll skip the shred the days we hit the gym.  So that’s it.  1.5 pounds per week until the end of August.  hmmmm maybe I could lose 2 pounds a week, that would be awesome!  It is definitely keeping my mind occupied, which I need!

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but sometimes, its just so hard.  I hate this!  I hate that my friend is pregnant and I’m so angry about my infertility, that I can’t be happy for her.  I hate that all day at work today, I just wanted to cry and I couldn’t.  I know that our diagnosis is turning around and I should look at things much more positively, but its hard and it sucks!  Can I just please be the next pregnancy announcement instead of someone else? Can it just be our turn already?  We are on cycle 2 of 6 before moving onto IUI, and I am praying with all my heart that it happens before then. 

Send me positive thoughts, please, I need them.

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A great escape

Eric and I went to San Diego this past weekend.  We were celebrating our 3rd anniversary.  It was wonderful to have  weekend away just for ourselves and away from reality.  We went out Friday and walked around Seaport Village then took a bus/boat tour called Ride the Seals.  It was a bus that takes you  on a small tour of the city and then the bus literally drives right into the bay and you go look at seals/sea lions.  It was really fun! We then went and checked into our hotel and went to eat at the Oceanroom, where we had some great seafood and lovely wine.  We then cruised the Gaslamp district and had a few drinks before returning to our hotel for the night.

The next day, we enjoyed Sea World.  That place is a blast!  Sunday we took an all-day trolley tour around San Diego and stopped off at Old Town, Seaport Village, the Maritime Museum, Coronado, Horton Plaza and Little Italy.  After all that fun, we headed home on Sunday night.  All in all, we had a blast and loved our weekend getaway!  A great escape from this TTC adventure!

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30 Day Shred

I purchased the DVD a couple months ago, with the intention to use it as a work-out video.  I never had the intention to actually do it everyday for 30 days.  However, I have been inspired by Maydaygirl, and I have chosen to try it for 30 days.  Today is officially day 1.  I’ll let you know in 30 days, with a weight loss update and before/after pics (if they’re good). Wish me luck!

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I remember when….

I remember when we first started TTC and I would see pregnant women.  I would get so excited!  I would want to run up to them and ask them everything!  How far along are they? Are they excited?  How does it feel? How long did it take you?  I also thought that if I saw more than 2 pregnant women in a day, that it was somehow a sign to me, that I was next to get pregnant. 

Its sad how 2.5 years  and one big IF diagnosis changes things!  I can barely stand to see a pregnant woman today.  Its sad and unfortunatley its not nice, but its the truth 😦  I hate it, it makes me sick to my stomach.  I’m so jealous of it, and that unfortunately is the truth too.  Its like this huge constant reminder that other people have no problem (I do realize some of the women I have seen may have been dealing with IF also) and I do.  Its a reminder of what I want soooo bad and can’t achieve.  It makes me obsess about my chart even more than I already do, and it makes me create even more phantom pregnancy symptoms. 

Unfortunatley I can’t live in a cave until I get pregnant, so I have to deal with this every day.  Seriously it feels like the whole world is pregnant.  I can’t go anywhere without seeing a huge bump.  It just makes me sad.  I can barely remember how it used to feel 2.5 years ago.  I would love to have that feeling back.

And on another note, today is our 3rd wedding anniversary!  So Happy Anniversary to us!!! I can’t believe how fast its gone by, its crazy!  Its also officially been 2.5 years today since we started TTC.  Come on spermies, make me a baby in the next 5 months!!!!

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Well one day late isn’t too bad! I had a great day with my mom yesterday.  We had brunch and then Eric and I, along with my parents went to play Bingo.  It was so fun!  None of us won, but it was so fun, nonetheless.  I didn’t have too hard of a time with the fact that’s its not my mother’s day.  I did fine, it was no big deal at all.

For all you IFers out there, I am sorry that all of us are still not celebrating Mother’s Day.  Each one of you were in my thoughts and prayers yesterday.  (((huge hugs))) to all of us still in the struggle and still longing desperately for our child to call us “Mommy.”

And then we have HOPE.  Today is 11dpo, with a BFN of course.  I shouldn’t expect anything less.  But my temp soared this morning, so that pretty much sucked!  I see this beautiful temp spike, hopes are high, then a BFN.  Geeez!  This is getting old! 

So 5 cycles to go before we head to IUI.  ::::fingers crossed:::: that we won’t have to…..

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