I know it sounds dumb but I keep everything. Something about seeing the progress of medications and what we’ve gone through….Our entire IVF cycle, I didn’t throw away any of the used up meds. I kept it all. Not sure why, but I knew I’d eventually sort it all out. So here it is, my IVF trash
Emotionally, I’m still having a tough time. I hate that money is dictating our future, and unfortunately there’s not much I can do about it. I had originally gone to counselling because I was having a hard time accepting that my life is not turning out the way I had envisioned it. I know that my life may end up being “childless”, and if that’s the case, I need to be able to move on from the ties from infertility. It’s a hard pill to swallow.
I decided that my counselor needed a visit from me. Rather I needed her. So I went this week, the same day of my WTF appointment. I always feel better after talking to her. It was a good day all in all. I told her the same thing about being able to move on with my life. She put the brakes on me pretty quick! She said to try to think of my life in chapters. We’re moving out of state next month, so in all honesty, we’re closing a chapter of our lives. The FET will be the next chapter. By thinking about living childless, I’m jumping ahead in the “book”. I need to focus on the here and now. The truth is, we have a plan, a back up plan. We have frozen embryos that very well may become our take-home baby(ies). So the chapter ahead of me is our move. The next chapter is the FET. So that’s what I’m focusing on. One chapter at a time. I don’t need to drown myself in negativity thoughts.
A little about the FET
I’ve gotten some comments about our future FET, and concerns over the number of embryos to transfer. Yes the thought of triplets or even quads freaks me out beyond belief. With our failed IVF cycle, my RE recommended transferring 3. I was extremely nervous about it. What if they all take??? The odds of one taking was 60%, two taking was 15%, and all three taking was 5%. I wanted to transfer 2, Eric wanted to do all 3. In the end, I made the decision to trust my doctor’s recommendation, and I knew if I only transferred 2 and none took, I would kick myself for it. I’m happy I chose to do 3, because our cycle failed, and I would have felt horrible right now, knowing I could have given myself a better chance.
At our WTF appointment, we discussed the FET. We have 2 good quality embryos, and 2 fair. Since 3 didn’t work on our last cycle, which has a greater success rate than a frozen cycle, I would want to do 3. That’s sort of my dilemma. I want to transfer 3 again, so do I just leave the 4th frozen? Save one final embryo? With the success rate with FET being lower than a fresh cycle, and the odds of all 4 taking, being less 5%, our Dr recommended transferring all 4. And that brings me back to this cycle, what if I had done less than my Dr recommended and gotten the same result? It just really sucks to go over it in my head over and over again. I think in the end we’ll end up doing 3. And honestly, it’s a lot for me to think about. I just hope and pray that one takes and we get a take home baby next year.